The Privilege of PARENTING
I. Our goal in parenting is to start our children on the pathway of developing Godly character throughout their lives.
Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”
“Train up” This Hebrew word is translated as “dedicate” in the 3 other passages where it is used (Deut. 20:5, 1 Kings 8:63, 2 Chron. 7:5). It carries the idea of starting, initiating, or beginning.
“In the way” This word refers to a path, direction, or habit. Figuratively it refers to the course and moral character of one’s life.
“Should go” This Hebrew word is surprisingly translated as “mouth” 309 times throughout the O.T.
“The mouth is the external manifestation of one’s character and disposition.” Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament
Luke 6:44 – 45 For every tree is known by his own fruit. For of thorns men do not gather figs, nor of a bramble bush gather they grapes. A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh.
“The mouth is the organ through which one’s relationship to God is ascertained.” TWOT
The following verses shed light on how important the use of our mouth is to the Lord: Joshua 1:8, 1Sam. 2:3, Psalm 17:3, 40:3, 49:3, Romans 10:8-10.
Our Goal is to dedicate or start our children on a godly course of life where their mouth is used to glorify God from the heart. We trust, as the scripture says, that as they grow older they will not depart from it. To accomplish this we must love God and use our mouth to express our relationship with Him continually. This is what God tells us to do in Deuteronomy 6:
Deuteronomy 6:5 “And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. 6 And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: 7 And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. 8 And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. 9 And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates.”
II. Our commitment in parenting is to teach our children what God has taught and is teaching us through His natural revelation (creation) and His special revelation (The Bible). See Psalm 19.
A. We will strive to teach our children daily in all the activities of life which God gives to us.
Deuteronomy 11: 18 “Therefore shall ye lay up these my words in your heart and in your soul, and bind them for a sign upon your hand, that they may be as frontlets between your eyes. 19 And ye shall teach them your children, speaking of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.”
B. We will strive to have special times to remember (memorials) what God has done incorporated into our family traditions and during the special times of the year —- Birthdays, Anniversaries, Easter, Christmas, etc.
Deuteronomy 4: 9 “Only take heed to thyself, and keep thy soul diligently, lest thou forget the things which thine eyes have seen, and lest they depart from thy heart all the days of thy life: but teach them thy sons, and thy sons’ sons;”
Psalms 105:5 “Remember his marvellous works that he hath done; his wonders, and the judgments of his mouth;”
III. Our Roles in parenting our clearly defined in the Scripture.
A. The Child’s role in being parented is very clear in Scripture.
(This section of the outline adopted from a sermon preached by Dr. Mark Minnick)
When God gave the ten commandments he specifically directed one command to the family. He did not address the father and the mother, as one might expect, but the child.
Deuteronomy 5:16 “Honour thy father and thy mother, as the LORD thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.”
Honour: Lit. to be heavy, be weighty,
To give something or someone it’s full weight or stature.
1. What is not honoring to parents:
a. A Mocking attitude,
Prov. 30:17 “The eye that mocketh at his father, and despiseth to obey his mother, the ravens of the valley shall pick it out, and the young eagles shall eat it.”
Deuteronomy. 27:16a “Cursed be he that setteth light by his father or his mother.”
b. A Cursing attitude,
Exodus 21:17 “And he that curseth his father, or his mother, shall surely be put to death.”
c. A Rebelling attitude,
Deuteronomy 21:18 “If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them:
19 Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place; 20 And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard.”
d. A Striking action.
Exodus 21:15 “And he that smiteth his father, or his mother, shall be surely put to death.”
2. What is honoring to parents:
a. An attitude of fearing (respect) them.
Leviticus 19:2 “Speak unto all the congregation of the children of Israel, and say unto them, Ye shall be holy: for I the LORD your God am holy. 3 Ye shall fear every man his mother, and his father, and keep my sabbaths: I am the LORD your God.”
b. An attitude of glorying in them.
Prov. 17:6 “Children’s children are the crown of old men; and the glory of children are their fathers.”
c. A attitude of listening to them.
Prov 4:1 “Hear, ye children, the instruction of a father, and attend to know understanding.”
d. A attitude of obedience toward them.
Ephesians 6:1 “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. 2 Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise;”
e. An attitude of Caring for them in their time of need.
1 Tim. 5:3 – 4 Honour widows that are widows indeed. But if any widow have children or nephews, let them learn first to show piety at home, and to requite their parents: for that is good and acceptable before God.
B. The Father’s Role in parenting is outlined in Ephesians 6:4.
“And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: But bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”
1. Fathers are to be vitally active in child rearing.
“And, ye fathers” It is often a common assumption in our culture that fathers take a back seat or supportive roll as the mother raises the children. However, scripture makes it clear that husbands (fathers) are the head of the wife (mother) (Eph. 5:21-33). The father, therefore, is responsible and should be active in child training. The husband as the head should work with the wife as a team in training the children, remembering that tasks can be delegated but responsibility cannot. It is pointed out specifically in Eph.6:4 that fathers have the responsibility for nurturing their children in the discipline and admonition of the Lord. Furthermore, If a father seeks the office of deacon or pastor he is to be one who rules his children and house well (I Timothy 3:12). His children are to be faithful, not accused of wasteful living and insubordination (Titus 1:6).
2. Father are to be cautious and sensitive to the child’s response when disciplining.
“provoke not your children to wrath:” Verbal or corporal punishment should be done in a way that each child will not respond with a habitual deep-seated anger that causes them to lose heart or be without courage or spirit (discouraged).
Colossians 3:21 “Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.”
It seems that parents who discipline through teasing unwittingly discourage their children because they never really know what the parent truly is thinking. The parents’ expectations should be clearly explained to the children and also consistently enforced and held up as the standard of right conduct. In our home there are 3 rules of conduct or behavior which serve as the standard measurement of all behavior:
1. Obedience, 2. Honesty, 3. Kindness.
If any behavior breaches one of these standards the child must be disciplined. The book of Proverbs gives us wise counsel and understanding concerning the use of the rod and reproof (Prov.29:15) in discipline.
a. Proper discipline is an act of the parents’ love for the child and should be done early (betimes – early / earnestly / diligently, or not put off.) It reveals a lack of true love to put discipline off.
Prov. 13:24 “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.”
b. Proper discipline strives to bring the child back from his natural course of foolishness to a life that reflects God’s wisdom and truth.
Proverbs 22:15 “Foolishness [is] bound in the heart of a child; [but] the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.”
c. Proper discipline is a parent’s responsibility and has eternal consequences for the child.
Proverbs 23:13 -14 “Withhold not correction from the child: for [if] thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. 14 Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.”
Proverbs 19:18 “Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.”
d. Proper discipline is done with the goal of having wise children that will not bring shame but delight to you and the Lord. Discipline should not be done in frustration because of a lack of attention. It should be done out of the wisdom gained by spending time with our children and paying attentions to their ways. Inattention to children breeds abuse; either the child will be excessively disciplined or not disciplined at all.
Proverbs 29:15 “The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left [to himself] bringeth his mother to shame.”
Proverbs 29:17 “Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul.”
“If any man lack wisdom let him ask of God . . .” James 1:5
3. Fathers are to nurture and provide for their children with tender care.
“but bring them up” ( ‘ ektrethete ) The usage of this word in Eph. 5:29 as “nourisheth” sheds light on a fathers roll and responsibility: “For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:”
Paul’s illustration of his father-like relationship to the Thessalonian believers confirms and elucidates the nurturing role and responsibility of a father.
“As ye know how we exhorted and comforted and charged every one of you, as a father doth his children. That ye would walk worthy of God, who hath called you unto his kingdom and glory” (I Thessalonians 2:11-12).
“Exhort” To encourage, comfort, and/or strengthen for a particular line of conduct. (LK 591)
“Comfort” to encourage and console the feelings so as to aid one in continuing in a course of life. To address the emotions for the purpose of incentive.
“Charge” To summon to witness (hold accountable)
4. Fathers are to educate or train their children in the things of the Lord.
“nurture” (3809 paideia) This words translations as instruction in 2 Tim. 3:16 sheds light on a fathers responsibility:
2Timothy 3:16 “All scripture [is] given by inspiration of God, and [is] profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:”
“admonition” (3559 nouthesia) Exhortation or training by word of encouragement when that is sufficient or by reproof or rebuke when required.
By words of encouragement and rebuke a father should help his children to put on wise character and put off foolish character traits. The Book of Proverbs gives wisdom in understanding the way of wisdom and the way of foolishness which each child needs to be taught .
C. The Mother’s Role in parenting is to be what the Lord would have her to be in the home.
Titus 2:3-5 “The aged women likewise, that [they be] in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; 4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 [To be] discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”
(The word studies in the following section have been done from the Strong’s Concordance and The Theological Dictionary of the New Testament)
1. Sober – AV – teach to be sober (1)
* restore one to his senses; to moderate, control, curb, disciple; to hold one to his duty; to admonish, to exhort earnestly
2. Love their husband –
3. Love their children –
4. Discreet –
* of a sound mind, sane, in one’s senses
* curbing one’s desires and impulses, self controlled, temperate
5. Chaste –
* arouse reverence, venerable, sacred
* pure from carnality, chaste, modest, immaculate, clean
6. Keepers at home –
* from a Greek word that means “on guard, be wary”;
* caring for the house, working at home
* the (watch or) keeper of the house
* keeping at home and taking care of household affairs
(The virtuous woman of Proverbs 31 is a scriptural example.)
7. Good – * of good constitution or nature
* useful, salutary
8. Obedient to their own husbands cf.1 Peter. 3:1-6
Obedient: to arrange under, to subordinate; to subject, put in subjection; to subject one’s self, obey; to submit to one’s control; to yield to one’s admonition or advice; to obey, be subject.
A Greek military term meaning “to arrange [troop divisions] in a military fashion under the command of a leader”. In non-military use, it was “a voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden”.
1 Tim 5:14 I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
9. Bear children – cf. 1 Timothy 2:15
10. Guide the house –
* to be master (or head) of a house; to rule a household, manage family affairs
IV. As followers of Christ, our attitudes and words in parenting (as in all relationships) are to be governed by the law of love.
I Corinthians 13:4-7
Charity suffereth long, [and] is kind;
charity envieth not;
charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
Doth not behave itself unseemly,
seeketh not her own,
is not easily provoked,
thinketh no evil;
Rejoiceth not in iniquity,
but rejoiceth in the truth;
Beareth all things,
believeth all things,
hopeth all things,
endureth all things.
Proverbs 15:1-2 “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. The tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright: but the mouth of fools poureth out foolishness.”
Proverbs 20:7 “The just man walketh in his integrity: his children are blessed after him.”
V. Our Prayer in parenting is for Grace to help in time of need, when we are struggling to be what God would have us to be in the family.
Hebrews 4:14 “Seeing then that we have a great high priest, that is passed into the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our profession.15 For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. 16 Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.”
Magnify! 